Just fell off a train. Bad.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
