i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
