I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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