either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
