I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
