he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
