Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
