so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
