so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize