Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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