Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
