oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
