well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
