Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize