Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
