I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
