And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
