they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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