from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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