I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm too high and old for this...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
