No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i now understand why vodka
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
