Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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