glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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