I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
