Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
