He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
