what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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