I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
