Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
