Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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