my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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