I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
