if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
