I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize