# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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