i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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