i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
