Will you blow on my dice?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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