I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
