Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
