Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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