drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
