i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
