Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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