Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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