A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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