jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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