she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
