I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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