I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
