Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
