U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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