your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
