Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if only i could text you this smell
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This house was built for laser tag.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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