Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm eating all of the evidence.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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