I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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