you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize