Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
