Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
