In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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