had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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