i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
