I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
