Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
