i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
