you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
