I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
