so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We have started to decorate penises.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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