we have officially lost it.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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