my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
