let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
