a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
