I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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